I couldn't even read past the first several sentences. The character is way too hysterical over a missing phone, and the way you are portraying the emotion is not the way to do it through writing. Its like you just documented something that happened to you in the lowest terms. Also, the random Blue's Clues is totally unnecessary and frankly, makes no sense. You have a long way to go, but don't worry, your writing will mature the more you work at it.
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